Just as the seasons change from year to year, so does our beauty! The
only difference, major difference, is seasons always return, our beauty
doesn't. Or, perhaps it does?
I mean think about it, what is
beauty? Is it what we see on the magazines? It cant be, they don't even
look like that! What is real beauty?
Don't worry, I am not going to say something like, "Beauty is only skin deep", really? :)
What
I do propose is to take you on a journey, a journey where beauty is
forced to change, just like Summer is demanded to leave, so Fall can
have its turn.
Sit back, grab something to
drink, perhaps even a snuggle blanket. You know, the kind of moment
where you are about to cuddle up to a story full of suspense and
adventure!
Ouch! That is what you say when your 3 year
old, who is sleeping with you, accidentally kicks you in your right
breast while sleeping! The following morning I thought, great, now my
breast is swollen. Oh, well, I had company coming down for a 2 week
visit, this little inconvenience would just have to wait.
Two
weeks later, my breast was still hurting. Soo, as I was laying down to
see exactly what the damage was, I felt something. This something was
not where I was kicked, however, it was very near. It was small and
hard! Mmmmm, I thought. Can't be to serious, Breast Cancer doesn't run
in my family, right?
A CONVERSATION BETWEEN GOD, DOCTORS, AND ME:)
Ring, Ring, Ring,
ME: Hello, really? Thank You, bye...
Cancer,
I had breast cancer? Now what? I gathered my family into the living
room and began to share with them my plan of action. No, I am not
talking about treatment, that will be a whole different story, I am
talking about my Journey with Christ through a time when I / my beauty
would be forced to change!
Doctor speaks: The breast
must come off, you will also lose your hair... Oh, did I mention we
will ALSO need to do radiation/chemo...
ME THINKING: Okay. Doctor speaks: Did you understand what I said? Me: Yes...
God,
I have been through sooo many storms, but this may be the biggest one
yet! I may not make it this time, God. Tear, Tears.... God speaks:
It is just another storm...Peace, Peace...
Lord, I have to endure soo many test / surgery...Tears.... God speaks: Do not fear....Peace....
Lord, who will raise my 5 kids? Tears......God speaks: Do not fear... Peace
Lord, I want to finish the journey with my husband....Tears... God speaks: Your life is in MY hands. Peace....Peace...Peace
SURGERY
DAY: Lord, I have never had surgery before, what if I don't wake up?
God speaks: You don't get to be in control, do you Sandy? ME: Nope,
smile:)
Its gone, my breast is gone. Left in its place is a large scar/ lots of tubes....
Its all gone, my hair is all gone..Left in its place, nothing...nothing.
TIME TO REMOVE THE BANDAGE/SHAVE MY HEAD....
As I stared into
the mirror, my reflection showed me a person that had a phrase written
on its face. It said: "Where is your Beauty Now?" Me: I don't know?
Gone, its all gone...
God speaks: You are Beautiful, Always
Beautiful! ME: How can you say that? God speaks: Because you were
created in MY image, not mans image... ME: What does that mean, God?
God speaks: Beautiful, Always Beautiful!
You keep
saying that, God. God speaks: Yes, and I will keep saying it until you
understand. Lord, you know I have spent most of my life trying to be
everything to everyone. You also know that my father said I wasn't as
good as the rest of my family...Tears...Tears...
God, you also know that my mother said,
God INTERRUPTS, God speaks: You were created in MY image, you are Beautiful, Always Beautiful!
Could God have healed me outside of surgery and treatment? Yes!
However, sometimes it is not a physical healing we are in need of.
Sometimes there is a deeper issue. You know, like in the valley between
Egypt and the promise Land. A trust issue!
Would I go
back and do some things different? Yep! However, I have a feeling the
outcome of knowing Him would not have been as great as it was. With
that said,
I am thankful:)
Sandy
